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Doctor Feelgood

by Henrik Widegren

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I Am Corona 03:09
I Am Corona Lyrics: Henrik Widegren. Music: Henrik Widegren, Markus Nilsson, Tobias Ekqvist From me to you I’m free and I’m new From town to town I travel around From mouth to hand From airplane to land It’s a revival I have gone viral! I am Corona, Corona I’ll give it to you The new kung fu flu I am Corona, Corona From me to you The new kung fu flu My biggest fans Don’t clean their hands You are an ace When you touch your face If you pick your nose I’ll give you a rose Cough without cover And you’ll be my lover! Chorus And now it’s time for the Corona dance! First do the cough Then do the sneeze Then do the fever Then do the freeze Then the fatigue Then do the headache Then try to breathe Then do the panic I am Corona, Corona Say hooray! I am RNA I am Corona, Corona It’s hard to stop This pandemic pop I am Corona, Corona I am the queen I’m Covid-19 I am Corona, Corona I’ll give it to you SARS-CoV-2 First do the cough Then do the sneeze Then do the fever Then do the freeze Then the fatigue Then do the headache Then try to breathe Then do the panic Intro C Am7 C/F G Verse F F C G F F C G Dm7 Dm7 C G G/F G/F C/G G E7 G Chorus C Am7 C/F Am7 (G)
The Savannah Hypothesis Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren Darwin caused a revolution And nothing was like before He invented evolution Which no one could ignore The Pope declared: This is a sin Professors popped Champagne Cause suddenly everything Was very easy to explain We lived on the savannah Our home for very, very long And all the time evolution Trimmed the genes that were wrong Life on the savannah Fight or flight to survive The pressure caused a selection The fittest genes stayed alive When you’re stressed and your blood Pressure is getting higher It’s because pressure’s good When you met a hungry tiger And pizza tastes marvelous Because of salt and fat And that was very good for us When we were lean and flat If you are hyperactive, And a universal bother You can tell your teacher: “I was made to hunt and gather” Fall in love with beauty queens And your kids get better genes Fall in love with a Portobello - No I’m sorry, you’re just a weirdo Chorus Recitative: And we can explain everything with the Savanna hypothesis: Children enjoy opening Christmas presents, because the paper reminds them of the rustling leaves of the banana plant, which had very nutritious fruits. We like to scroll on our smartphones, because the thumb movement reminds us of how we used to brush away termites from ancient berries. We like Bruce Springsteen's roar in Born To Run, because it reminds us of the gorilla's signal for: “Come here, I've opened a coconut”. And we like to like on Facebook because the thumb resembles an inverted nipple. And that reminds us of breast milk, which is rich in nutrition and antibodies. Chorus
When I Did My Internship Music, Lyrics: Henrik Widegren Monday morning eight o’clock, every one was there It was the opening grand round of the week The intern who had been on call was a little meek: “I’m sorry, I’ve only had four hours of sleep” The fellow turned around and shook his head and smiled "Four hours? Little miss, now listen to me I did my internship in 2009 And only slept for an hour. Once I got three And the next day I was so energized and free That I operated all day, happy as could be!” The consultant turned around: “You got one hour? Please! My internship was in Texas -95 I was on call every night for a week And if I slept fifteen minutes I felt so alive I ran around the ER, CPR:d and revived And all of my patients always survived And I thought: This is life. This is what makes me thrive!” Now the professor suddenly woke up and smiled: “Oh, listen up children. You have a lot to learn My internship was in Alaska -65 And I was on call from Christmas to July And I was fired if my eyelid covered my eye And we did well without a CT-scan or MRI The only food we got was rye and kidney pie But I was always happy and with gratitude I’d cry!” But suddenly there was a roar from the morgue And the former CMO spoke in a trance He had been dead for 15 years but this was his encore To speak about his internship in Murmansk: “I was on call for seven years and during this time I didn’t get to sleep at all, nor a single dime The food I got was water. On Sundays I got slime I had to write a paper every day or I was shot And then I had to remove the bullet myself! I got tuberculosis and my pubic hair turned gray But I was grateful and I smiled every single day!” Then someone cried: “We have a flatline in room ten!” And everyone went back to work and seemed a little stressed The former CMO went silent and died again So the intern rushed to treat the cardiac arrest But everyone agreed that it was for the best Because she had had four hours of rest
Man Cold 04:02
Man Cold Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren I feel the Reaper Breathing down my neck I’m sinking deeper Like a useless wreck I have no hope The light is white and beautiful But will my children cope With their dad's funeral I feel like I am made of phlegm I listen to my requiem It is dark in Hades’ hole And he does not provide Tylenol Man cold, man cold I have got a man cold I’ve never been this low Man cold, man cold A major man cold No woman will ever know Man cold, man cold A deadly man cold It’s like I’ve been hit by a train Man cold, man cold A fatal man cold No woman can feel this pain I’m drifting off I can see an angel But then I cough Yellow, green and painful It’s goodbye I am barely alive My fever’s running high Thirty-seven point five And you can laugh and have your fun But now there’s almost evidence That my lack of estrogen Is the cause of this nemesis Chorus Mother Mary This is scary Can you ever realize? How intense a Manfluenza Is. Can you hear my cries? Chorus
The Ballad of the Superstar Surgeon Paolo Macchiarini Music/Lyrics: Henrik Widegren Ladies and gentlemen Please, let me sing Let me tell a story, So hideous and grim It is just as crooked As a tortellini It is about the surgeon Paolo Macchiarini T’was in Stockholm, Sweden Two thousand ten A surgeon was recruited By enterprising men They celebrated with Champagne and Martini: ”Hooray we got the superstar Paolo Macchiarini!” He wanted to facilitate The patients’ respiration With advanced medical Regeneration He thought outside the box And anything goes So he planted stem cells On a garden hose But some people were Somewhat sceptical What if the new trachea Did not stick at all? But no one likes A naysaying genie So they cheered and bowed To Paolo Macchiarini The next year in Stockholm Opening night The OR was packed Everybody wanted a bite But Paolo loved animals Protocol, be cursed! So he tried the operation On humans first In fancy papers he Described his victory And soon he operated Patient two and three But he forgot to mention Something very odd How the first patient was Coughing up blood Next in line was Julia Not sickly at all He told her that the risk Was very, very small She had a family and her hair Was blond like linguine She trusted the surgeon Paolo Macchiarini So Paolo kept busy And patients in line But the plastic airways Weren’t doing fine The tracheas are perfect Reported Macchiarini But the tracheas looked like Rotting zucchini One day four doctors Finally awakened And shouted out: “The emperor is naked” But the board said: “How have you acquired These medical records We could have you fired” But soon everybody In this world could see Plastic doesn’t work But there was no plan B Slowly the patients Lost their breath Their new, fantastic airways Caused a slow death At last Macchiarini Together with the board And the president Were fired. Thank the Lord But they’ve got new jobs Are safe and sound While half a dozen patients Lay in the ground So why do I sing this? Why do I bore ye? Because we must never Forget this story A mixture of Bergman and Fellini The ballad of the surgeon Paolo Macchiarini The superstar surgeon Paolo Macchiarini
The Very Last Blues Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren My woman, she left me. She left me today But I feel fine. I am okay My money’s gone. My purse is dry So I have to tell my old house good bye But I am cool with that. I am chill I’m taking a happy pill This is the very last blues Everybody’s happy today A little pill instead of booze And the sky will never be gray This is the very last blues BB King is a dinosaur Tell Bessie Smith the news No one’s got the blues No one’s got the blues anymore It’s been raining for days. My street’s a pool But I can see the sun. I am cool The news are all wars and murder trials And we have trashed the earth, but we just smile Do I seem like I have become insane? No. I have SSRI in my brain This is the very last blues Muddy Waters, rest in peace A little pill with the morning juice And all my anxiety will cease This is the very last blues Oh, Robert Johnson this is bad Tell Bo Diddley the news No one’s allowed No one’s allowed to be sad One in ten people in Sweden today One in ten Swedes pop the blues away One in ten needs medication One in ten seems like inflation But what is wrong with the other nine? The nine that say all is fine And walk around, happy and gay And think everything’s okay! This is the very last blues Everything’s going my way A little pill, and I can’t lose Good is not enough today This is the very last blues Clapton’s got no one to sing for Tell Ma Rainey the news No one’s got the blues anymore No one’s need the blues anymore No one’s got the blues anymore Verse GGGG CCGG DCDC GG Chorus AAAD AADE DADA DAED DCGG
The Revenge of the Nerd Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren When I took the school bus I never got a seat And in football, the ball Never touched my feet On days when we had group work I always stayed in bed When we went on class trips I wished I was dead I thought the library was my home The doctor thought: Asberger syndrome Who am I In this world They all cry: “You’re a nerd” Why am I Even here They say: “Why Are you so weird” I applied to college And suddenly I found People who were nice to me Who thought the earth was round They wanted to know why To learn and classify And joked about chemistry And that made me high And for the first time in my life I had hope that I might find a wife I am me In this world I’m no sheep In a herd I am free Like a bird I am me I am a nerd I wrote my first review I got my PhD I was made professor And dean of faculty I’m always hard at work Diligent and prudent How convenient that I married My PhD student Spoken: And now I can do whatever I want! I can study the love life of banana flies. Analyze postmodernist German architecture. Explain the blood supply to the right adrenal cortex. And research the crap out of Shakespeare’s works prior to Titus Andronicus! I can fly I can fly In this world I have a brain I feel no shame And to the world I say it loud I am a nerd And I am proud!
Anesthesia 101 Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren What do they do? How does it work? I wonder every day Where did they learn? How can they cope? Is there a way? They have potions. They have charms It’s truly magical The secrets of anesthesia Seem supernatural But I have studied, googled and now I understand This is anesthesia 101 One: Take the medium syringe with Fentanyl Two: The big syringe with Propofol. Sleep tight, my friend Three: The small syringe with Rocuronium Four: Intubate and then it’s coffee break again They are cool. And they rule When they turn on the gas Never far, cause they are Always on their butts If you talk too long they turn on The sleep machine They like drugs a little too much Especially morphine They can make Goliath go to sleep They can make the big machine go beep Chorus
Free Cosmetic Surgery Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren The minister of health was depressed Thought everything was dreary, dull and grey And although she did her very best Nobody looked at it that way So she thought: What do voters want? To be happy and beautiful and free She suddenly had a brilliant idea We will offer free cosmetic surgery Nip a little here, tuck a little there Reduction and suction. A fill and a lift Just a little bit, so your ass won’t quit Tummies and hips. Noses and lips We’ll open the door to rich and to poor We’ll give you a fill, won’t bother to bill Feeling depressed? Go lift your breasts Cosmetic surgery will be free! So all the sick were kicked out The doctors really needed lots of space For the poor who wanted to replace Every faulty feature in their face And they planned a big, new department Almost like a small institute An ER open twenty-four seven To patients with ugliness acute Nip a little here, tuck a little there Reduction and suction. A fill and a lift Just a little bit, so your ass won’t quit Tummies and hips. Noses and lips We’ll fix you in blink. It’s better than a shrink “With my little laser, I can fix your face, sir” No happy pill can beat a dermal fill Cosmetic surgery will be free! Now they had to open new clinics And GDP rose by one hundred percent There did not seem to be any limits They got a visit from the president Surgeons flew in from every country Not a single one left in Hollywood The bars started to empty Cause no one had to drink to look good But one day, everyone was good looking Not a single, ugly person in the land All the new clinics were closing The surgeons had to leave their wonderland So the minister had to do something She introduced a new and sexy trend Being really ugly is the new thing And so everyone had surgery again Nip a little here, tuck a little there Reduction and suction. A fill and a lift Just a little bit, so your ass won’t quit Tummies and hips. Noses and lips If you lift your ass we’ll offer you a glass Of champagne. It’s okay to be vain Come with your breasts and we’ll have a fest Cosmetic surgery will be free!
Hey Daddy, Give Me an Xbox Music, Lyrics: Henrik Widegren Hey daddy, give me an Xbox! Hey daddy, give me an Xbox! I know it’s something new But I will always love you And I will never be blue If you give me an Xbox And do you know what I’ll do? Do you know what I’ll do? I will play violent games Where I shoot out human brains And people go up in flames That’s what I’ll do! And do you know what happens then? Do you want to know what happens then? On the Internet I’ll find a friend Who says his name is Sven But actually his name is Glenn And he grows weed I will do my homework and shine like a light I will eat my veggies and sleep every night I will not drink alcohol and I will never curse And I won’t Google naked ladies, but daddy first: I will buy a lot of drugs I will buy a lot of drugs And smoke them in my room And fill the room with fumes Until my brain goes boom And I won’t brush my teeth! Then I will become a crook Then I will become a crook And rob old ladies every day So the cops come and take me away And in prison I will say: Thanks for the Xbox!
The Anti-Vaxxer Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren Measles is back Measles is the new black It has gone viral It has a revival I met a man He said it loud I’m an antivaxxer And I am proud He said: You know, it’s hot To refuse the shot He said: Give me no injection I want the real infection My human right is To get meningitis I’m doing it for those of us Who miss getting tetanus Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Give me no shot! Give me no shot! Big Pharma Has a plan The government controls Every man Chem trails Are no joke The moon landing Was a hoax Don’t worry. Let it go No one gets sick of polio Give me no injection I want the real infection I think it rocks To say that I have small pox Don’t waste your chances Of cervical cancer Say stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Give me no shot! Do what you feel Tuberculosis no big deal I went to school And hepatitis is cool Let’s build a healthy nation On antivaccination Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Give me no shot!
The Nigerian Letter Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren Liam was lonely. Liam was single He was on Tinder every night Liam referred to himself as an incel He didn’t make any women swipe right But late one night he got an email At first he thought it was a joke But then he saw it was from a female Her name was Mary. And she wrote, I quote: Dear Mister Liam, I am the daughter Of late sir Dunga, minister of war I seek your assistance to transfer all his money And if you would help me half of it is yours So if you send five thousand dollars to this bank You will meet the criteria And you will get twelve million dollars in cash Sincerely, Mary from Nigeria Nigeria, Nigeria He got a letter from Nigeria Nigeria, Nigeria Cause Mary lived in Nigeria Liam smiled with tears in his eyes This was a sign, a gift from above Twelve million dollars sure would be nice But first and last, he was in love So he sold his car and all that he had But all his money was not enough He went to his friends, who thought he was mad: “It is a scam. She is a bluff!” So he went to the bank and showed them the letter “Look, what I’ve got. Wonderful news You’ll earn a thousand for every dollar This an offer you cannot refuse” However the banker wasn’t impressed: “We have to decline your business proposal The risk is too high, and may I suggest You put your mail in the garbage disposal” Nigeria, Nigeria You have got a letter from Nigeria Nigeria, Nigeria Never ever trust Nigeria So he got a job as a chef and au pair Waitress and roadie in a band And forty weeks later the money was there And he wrote her a letter by hand Dear miss Mary, I hope you’re okay I got the email from you Here is the money and I have to say I love you. Mary, I do After a week someone rang at the door He opened and Mary smiled and said: “Hi” She put down her bag of money on the floor And kissed him and she never said good bye Nigeria, Nigeria He got a letter from Nigeria Nigeria, Nigeria He got a letter from Nigeria
Do Not Touch Your Phone Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren We’ve been married many years But now you’re gone I have shed a million tears But you’ve shed none He’s young and he is hot I’m old and I am not He has a new design I’m like a Frankenstein Do not touch your phone (Don’t touch. Don’t touch) You can touch me (Touch, touch. Touch, touch) Do not like your phone (Don’t like. Don’t like) You can like me (Like, like. Like, like) Your eyes drift away You don’t care if I stay Don’t play with your phone Play with me You never look me in the eye You’re always looking down You don’t see how I cry I miss you being around He has a fashion shell And you’re under his spell I drink my Zinfandel And he can go to hell! Do not touch your phone (Don’t touch. Don’t touch) You can touch me (Touch, touch. Touch, touch) Do not like your phone (Don’t like. Don’t like) You can like me (Like, like. Like, like) You’re in love with your phone You don’t care if I’m alone Don’t play with your phone Play with me I understand. You have no choice You’re just turned on by Siri’s voice Why do you want to be with an app When I whisper: Come, sit on my lap //:Do not touch your phone. You can touch me:// Do not touch your phone (Don’t touch. Don’t touch) You can touch me (Touch, touch. Touch, touch) Do not like your phone (Don’t like. Don’t like) You can like me (Like, like. Like, like) Do not check your Instagram Check out your naked man Don’t play with your phone Play with me Don’t play with your phone Play with me Don’t play with your phone Play with me
MRSA 04:25
MRSA Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren I have immigrated to the cold Sweden I think I like it because I am a heathen I travelled with a Swede, who was on vacation But required hospitalization He came to my ward for just one day And we hooked up right away Cause I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA I liked it on his skin. It was nice and juicy And the wounds were to me like sushi But when I came to Sweden I grew impatient To get to know and grow on every other patient A house in the nose and a condo in the groin, hey! A million children were born every day Cause I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA Then suddenly the party was over They discovered that I was their guest The disinfectant gave me a hangover And I got isolated and depressed The new medicines killed my wife And I considered taking my life But in stepped my hero. Wonders do exist! An otorhinolaryngologist He was so relaxed and kind of like a sidekick And best of all: He didn’t use gloves or antiseptic I crawled on his finger, full of admiration And watched while he did his full examination But then, suddenly, his finger rose And my doctor, mm, poked his nose And I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA I liked living in the doctor’s sniffer Some think a nose is gross, but I beg to differ We played hide and seek under the concha And had a wild water slide up on the mucosa My doctor met patients every day, hooray! And I invaded them like it was D-day I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA But suddenly I was feeling blue I gave my doctor meningitis He ended up in ICU And they discovered me in his sinus They gave him a broad spectrum hit And I thought: This is it But I was saved from my isolation By a hospital consolidation I have immigrated to the cold Sweden This hospital merger is an Eden They moved my doctor to another town Now I have another chance to move around This is so exciting. I won’t get bored This is so inviting. A virginal ward M.R.S.A… Cause I am an MRSA Yes, I am an MRSA Cause I am an MRSA I am an MRSA…
The Upper Airway Obstruction Management Song Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren Everybody needs to breathe A statement true and fair So nobody feels at ease When someone’s lacking air So when your patient’s airway is blocked Do like this and avoid being shocked Step one: Relax Step two: Relax Cause if you take it easy and utilize your head Nobody in the room will end up dead Step three: Time to look Where is the block? In the lung? In the throat? Use your stethoscope Take a look with a fiberoptic laryngoscope And now. Step four Have the airway secured Reduce the swelling or consider an intubation Pick up a foreign body in jet ventilation Step five: In conclusion Evaluate your decision Cause if the patient’s breathing isn’t better than before Please go back to step four But if a patient is distressed By shortness of breath The lungs are fine. The throat is free Hmmm… What could it be? Keep in mind, from time to time, it’s hard to relax And all of us can suffer from panic attacks But remember, we are here to train Please join me, in this last refrain Chorus But if you can remember only one rule Remember: Be cool And don’t forget to breathe, cause if you do you’ll soon be two Whose faces are blue
There Are a Thousand Songs of Love But None About the Bowel Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren There are a thousand songs of love Love that’s pure and strong But none about the bowel So I have to sing this song Life without love Is sad and filled with grief But life without rectum Is brief There are a thousand songs of love Of love’s eternal magic But none about the kidney I think that is tragic Life without kisses Would really suck But life without a spine Good luck! Your heart is your best friend Trustworthy and dear It beats every day and night Year after year And the loove of the liver Is honest, sincere It never comments when you eat fat Or drink a beer There are a thousand songs of love That’s a well-known thing But none about the spleen That is why I sing A life without a smile Is a little sad But a life without bile Is bad
I’m Santa Claus and I am Yours Music, lyrics: Henrik Widegren An empty sack The candy’s all gone The wine is mulled The TV is on Every child Has gone to bed And I have been kind All dressed in red Darling… Ho, ho, ho Here I am Don’t say no To your man I am done And I’m your hon I’m Santa Claus And I am yours Yes, yes, yes Yes I do Have a Ha, ha, hard Package for you Old Saint Nick Will do his trick It’s Christmas Eve And you’ll receive I had a coat But not anymore (Oh dear…) And my red pants Are on the floor (Oops…) But my little, red cap I’ll let it stay Cause I know that you Like it that way Ho, ho, ho Here I am Don’t say no To your man I am done And I’m your hon I’m Santa Claus And I am yours Yes, yes, yes Yes I do Have a Ha, ha, hard Package for you Old Saint Nick Will show his gift It’s Christmas Eve And you’ll receive Hear me whisper: Ho, ho, ho The ceiling’s full of mistletoe If you follow Rudolf’s light I’ll slide down your chimney tonight Ho, ho, ho Here I am Don’t say no To your man I am done And I’m your hon I’m Santa Claus And I am yours Yes, yes, yes Yes I do Have a Ha, ha, hard Package for you Old Saint Nick Will do his trick It’s Christmas Eve And you’ll receive
Never Google Your Symptoms Music/Lyrics: Henrik Widegren One evening, my father said: My son I’m dying and soon I’ll be gone But before my final farewell: Hear me. And hear me well Do whatever you want to do Have a plan or roll the dice But one thing is strictly taboo Please, follow my advice Never google your symptoms That is my only prescription You get a hundred diagnoses And medieval prognoses Every sign is a serious condition If you google “cough” and “diagnosis” You have got Corona virus And if you google “fever and red” You’ve got Ebola and soon will be dead And if you google “I’ve a runny nose” It’s CSF. Your brain is leaking juice! And if you google itch and prognosis: Anaphylactic chock or psychosis So never google your symptoms Seldom it brings any wisdom You want to discover But you might uncover That you have an extra chromosome So this is what I heard my father say And then he closed his eyes and passed away The autopsy report was very clear Death from hypochondric fear Which is custom When you google your symptoms Never google your symptoms The hit list is never awesome Pain in your left arm? Heart attack alarm! Do you feel a little weak? Yes, you’ve got ALS! If you have a slight anemia You’ve got leukemia! Are you a little crazy? You’ve got ADHD! So never, ever google Your symptoms!


This is my second album in English. 18 tracks about medicine, science and healthcare. Enjoy!


released September 18, 2020

Music, lyrics and vocals: Henrik Widegren (Except track 1: Music Henrik Widegren, Markus Nilsson and Tobias Ekqvist). Creative language consultant: Anna Holmqvist. Medical language consultant: Robert and Paula Quinn.

Drums: Markus Nilsson. Bass, guitar: Tobias Ekqvist. Violin, cello, accordion, balalaika, flute: Filip Runesson. Harmonica: Filip Jers. Dobro: Daniel Olsson. Trombone: Göran Abelli. Trumpet: Björn Edqvist. Backing vocals: Cecilia Salazar, Mats Nilsson. Bass track 1: Pelle Cassius Lambert Lindsjö. Horn arrangement track 3: Claus Sörensen. Saxophone track 3: Mattias Carlson. Drum and bass programming track 5: Markus Nilsson. Programming track 14: Tobias Ekqvist. Accordion and piano track 16: Johan Olsson. Saxophone track 17: Jens Persson. Keyboard track 17: Henrik Hansson.
Track 7 featuring Malmö akademiska kör. Vocal arrangement: Lukas Elgmo. Conductor: Daniel Hansson.
Track 15 featuring The Original Five. Banjo: Johan Malmberg, guitar: Jonas Svahn, bass: Dan Englund, dobro: Daniel Olsson.


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Henrik Widegren Sweden

"There are a thousand songs about love, but none about the bowel"

Henrik Widegren is a medical doctor who started writing geeky songs about medicine, healthcare and science when asked to perform at a hospital after work in 2012.

Now he has released six studio albums and has a YouTube channel (Henrik Widegren) with music videos. The latest album, Doctor Feelgood, was released September 18.
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